Aaron's Birthday.....Mom's beware!

Yesterday was my love's 36th birthday. Can you believe we have been dating since he was 21?
He is absolutely one of the best men I have ever known (I think I am surrounded by the rest of the greatest guys). I am so proud to have him as my husband.
I must admit that I am a little Type A, I like everything perfect and planned. As you all know my life has been anything but,
But, I keep on working at it.
I insist that my husband buy my card days before my birthday, and I am normally so planned.
But this year was unlike any other I woke up to forgetting for a moment that it was Aaron's birthday. Why? I have no idea. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am broken and a new person I must be.
My poor mom called me at that moment while I was loosing all control and I know it must break her to hear my cries. Parents want to make it all better, but they can't.
(No daddy mud will fix this.....although it has fixed a lot and is a miracle mud)
It is still a daily choice and sometime minute by minute choice to go on.
I held a beautiful and fun party to celebrate my incredible husband.
There is no one I would rather have by my side for the rest of my life & eternity.

Poems and Sayings......Heartbreaking & Touching!

"We were blessed to have you with us, if only for a day
The love we have for you, no one can ever take away.
O how we wish you could have stayed a little longer,
To fill our life's up with joy, hope and laughter.
Although you're not here with us, you're never too far,
Your memory lives in our hearts, in a breeze, on a star.
We look up to Heaven, and know you are there,
Playing with the angels and laughing while pulling their hair!
We were blessed to have you with us, if only for a while,
We think of you happily playing in Heaven, grinning your cute little smile."
~Author~ Tammy Becker- NILMDTS Member, Parent

As Long As I Live, You Will Live
As Long As I Live, You Will Be Remembered
As Long As I Live, You Will Be Loved...
Author unknown

"To Remember Is Painful
To Forget Is Impossible."
~Maureen Connelly

"A Life may last for just a moment....
but a memory can make that moment last forever..."

"Loved with a love beyond telling,
Missed with a grief beyond all tears."

Sometimes, Love is for a moment.
Sometimes, Love is for a lifetime.
Sometimes a moment is a lifetime.

"Only love gives us the taste of Eternity" - Jewish Proverb

In love, our baby was conceived, With joy, the good news was received. In hope, we waited the long months through, With sadness, we gave him back to You. With love, You reached down your gentle hand. In pain, though we could not understand .With strength, You turned our weakness around. In You, our Hope and Peace is found -author unknown-

"I wrote your name in the sand...but the waves washed it away,I wrote your name in the sky..but the wind blew it away,I wrote your name in my heart...and forever it would stay."

"Where there are no memories, let the heart find the memories that would have been."

Families are Forever
You came here for a moment,
Just a spec in time,
But as you see dear child,
Forever you'll be mine!
Families are Forever
and forever ours will be.
So, although our time was brief
I know you'll be waiting for me.
You were too perfect and special
to stay here very long.
Some people say, "How unfortunate."
But I say they are wrong!
Our family's very lucky.
A choice spirit came to us.
We gave him all he needed,
And all he knew was love.
Our time together here on earth
was moments it is true...
But nothing will take away
that day when forever we'll be with you!-Bree Anderson

GOD
I asked for strength,...and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom,...and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity,...and God gave me brain and brawn to work.
I asked for courage,...and God gave me danger to overcome.
I asked for love,...and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favors,...and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted,...I received everything I needed.
GOD knows when you are tired and discouraged from fruitless effort.
GOD knows how hard you have tried,when you've cried so long, your heart is in anguish.
GOD has counted your tears. If you feel that your life is on hold and time has passed you by,GOD is waiting for you.
When nothing makes sense and you are confused or frustrated,GOD has the answer.
If, suddenly, your outlook is brighter and you find traces of hope,GOD has whispered to you.

What My Child Has Taught Me
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.
I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.
I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion.
I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".
I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.
I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.
What has your child taught you?

What is Normal?
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Christmas, birthday, Valentine's day, and Easter.
Normal is discussing with a friend in the Netherlands how different
funeral customs are there than here. Discussing how much both our children loved the things they loved and how those things are now sitting lonely collecting dust.
Normal is talking to a co-worker and the conversation going toward how you felt after your child died.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable with a funeral than a wedding or a birthday party. Yet, feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers, see that casket, and all the crying people.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming cause you just don't like to sit through church anymore.
Normal is going to bed feeling like your kids who are alive got cheated out of happy cheerful parents and instead they are stuck with sober,cautious people.
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your families' life.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's and why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have noise because the silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every little girl or boy who looks about my angels age. And then thinking of the age my angel would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is seeing my daughter at the cemetery visiting her brothers grave and thinking, how could this be normal? She shouldn't have to be going through this.
Normal is singing a song and feeling really great about doing well,followed by an immediate down after thinking how my child would have said, "That was beautiful Momma" (whether it really was or not).
Normal is telling the story of my child's death as if it were an everyday common place activity and then gasping in horror at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become part of our normal.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child's memory and their birthday and survive those days. And trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. HappyBirthday? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of a penguin. Thinking how they would love it, but how they're here to enjoy it.
Normal is disliking jokes about death, funerals. Bodies being referred to as cadavers when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything but someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother and meeting for coffee and talking and crying together over our children and our new lives. And worrying together over our living children.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned house or did laundry or if there is any food in the house.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two or three children because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that one of them is in heaven. And yet when you say only two to avoid that problem you feel horrible as if you have betrayed that child.
Normal is feeling terribly hurt when you see your child's power point presentation at parent/teacher's conference and that child has listed no brother. Then you realize the way the information is set up there really is no logical place to list the brother who has died and went to heaven. And how awkward that must of been for him to think about the problem.
Normal is avoiding McDonald's and Burger King playgrounds because of small happy children that break your heart when you see them.
Normal is wondering angrily a month later why your husband isn't still crying, while he wonders angrily why you haven't stopped.
Normal is planning alternate routes through stores so you don't have to be confronted with the "dreaded aisles," while nevertheless dodging strollers no matter which way you go.
Normal is not knowing whether or not you can accept an invitation to your cousin's wedding next month because you don't know if you will be having one of your breakdowns that day.
Normal is being afraid to surf the internet, watch TV, read a book or listen to the radio because of the world conspiring to salt your wounds by saying/showing the wrong things.
Normal is wanting another baby in your arms so badly you can taste it, but feeling so disloyal and being so, so afraid.
Normal is having an angel pin specifically designed for your child...not as a gift, but as a memorial.
Normal is sometimes forgetting that our own parents' hearts are broken twice...once for their lost grandchild, and again for their child who is lost in a sense just as final.
Normal is sitting outside at night, staring into the sky, wondering why you aren't one of the people blessed enough to see a sign or experience a miracle that you know is being sent just to comfort you.
Normal is sometimes not being able to bear looking at photo albums, and other times being so grateful they're covered in plastic so your endless flow of tears won't ruin the pictures...