Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Big day for Serenity!
I am anxiously awaiting Serenity to come home to tell us about her day at school. She asked her teacher if she could bring in her box that she made to remember her brother, Sterling. She made the box over a year ago and did not ask to take it last year. I am so anxious to hear about how her day went and what she had to say. I told her if she needed me I could be there within 5 minutes. I love that she wants to share her brother with the world. I at the same time breaks my heart! I wish that I could just have him here for all of us. A new post to follow once we hear how today went.......
Missing Sterling Michael
We couldn't wait to hold you
And see your pretty face.
To count your little fingers,
And check your toes are in their place.
It should have been the happiest day
To remember all our life.
But joy had turned to heartache,
No breath, no beat, no life.
We will never see you smile,
Or hear your hearty cry.
We will never be able to dry your tears,
Or share your happy times.
Our precious little Angel,
We will always know your face.
In our hearts and stars forever,
You will always have a place.
~Unknown
And see your pretty face.
To count your little fingers,
And check your toes are in their place.
It should have been the happiest day
To remember all our life.
But joy had turned to heartache,
No breath, no beat, no life.
We will never see you smile,
Or hear your hearty cry.
We will never be able to dry your tears,
Or share your happy times.
Our precious little Angel,
We will always know your face.
In our hearts and stars forever,
You will always have a place.
~Unknown
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Conversation with GOD
When I asked, "Why did you make her have abnormailities?
He answered, " Not abnormalities, uniqueness."
When I said, "Why are you doing this to us?"
He answered, "Not doing, but allowing."
When I screamed, "I can't live if you take her."
He answered, "I am what sustains you."
When I prayed, "Let this cup pass from my lips."
He said, "All works from my will to be done."
When I cried, "She needs her mother."
He whispered, "Only I love her more than you."
When I held her still body and sobbed, "It is over."
He said, "It has only begun."
When I shook my fist at heaven and yelled, "I am angry at you."
He said, "I know."
When I said, "You don't understand this pain, this loss."
He reminded me, "I, too, lost my child, my only child."
When I asked, "How? How can I help anyone when I'm in this pit?
He said, "Slowly, you will heal, and comfort others."
.
He answered, " Not abnormalities, uniqueness."
When I said, "Why are you doing this to us?"
He answered, "Not doing, but allowing."
When I screamed, "I can't live if you take her."
He answered, "I am what sustains you."
When I prayed, "Let this cup pass from my lips."
He said, "All works from my will to be done."
When I cried, "She needs her mother."
He whispered, "Only I love her more than you."
When I held her still body and sobbed, "It is over."
He said, "It has only begun."
When I shook my fist at heaven and yelled, "I am angry at you."
He said, "I know."
When I said, "You don't understand this pain, this loss."
He reminded me, "I, too, lost my child, my only child."
When I asked, "How? How can I help anyone when I'm in this pit?
He said, "Slowly, you will heal, and comfort others."
.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
A work of heart
I pray that the eyes of your heart be enlightened....
~The apostle Paul, Ephesians 1:18
The heart knows reasons that reason does not know.
~Blaise Pascal, Pensees
~The apostle Paul, Ephesians 1:18
The heart knows reasons that reason does not know.
~Blaise Pascal, Pensees
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Restless Hearts
At Church today I felt GOD speaking to me.
Our Pastor was talking about "how do I still my heart?" Well, how do I? I'm still processing that.
Not our literal heart but, our heart of where we live our life, hope, dream, work and etc. Of course I have ideas and ways that I want to but, never find the time to actually do them (which is the problem and what we are urged to think about and spend time changing). CHALLENGE ON!
Our Pastor discussed that this is referencing that we are all on a treadmill that is never stopping. It is our heart racing, our mind racing and always being on the go!
He had four points regarding the Psalms verse 23.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
The first point was Response, make and lead are the key words. Saying that we are not the principle player and that I do not lead, he does. Those words I know but, always need to be reminded of them. Sometimes, I like to think I am in control but, know I am not! If I were would I have chosen to have a son in Heaven? No! But, instead of always asking why me? Ask, why not me? He has my life plan already laid out for me and when I follow him and trust him I have peace.
The second point key words were lie down and still. That is what we need to do to really calm our heart. That is when we take time to stop and get off the treadmill even if it is just for a minute.
The third point was Replenished, waters and green pastures (soul food). Sometimes, I pursue my own junk and I feel like it will still my heart but, it does not. This is everything that I do extra to feel complete and whole. GOD is the only one that can do that.
Busyness is to loose heart and to leave my heart.
Busyness can be a threat to the heart like porn. WOW! That was a wake-up call for me, I would of never considered it to be that terrible. But, now my eyes are open and my heart is hearing.
The fourth point was Restoration, repenting from the raggedness of the treadmill. Let GOD speak to you on my heart level.
I can still remember the first time I heard GOD as if he were sitting next to me. It was September 11. I was sitting in my car during lunch and I was working for DOC. I remember feeling like there was something that I could do and I prayed that I could, I knew that there were more people that absolutely felt like me. I heard him tell me exactly what to do. I immediately went back to work and went to the Major and told her my idea. She loved it and that started the ball rolling. I had permission to get the project started and we had them being sold with in days. We had to get permission from headquarters to have them displayed on the uniforms and we received the green light. Then headquarters decided that all the facilities could participate and they did. We raised over $70,000 for the fallen officers and firefighters in New York. Never did we have a stumble or an issue of any kind because I let GOD be in control!
Psalms 90.14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
I am going to work on letting GOD speak to me at my heart level, wherever that is, he can find me. I know that he has over the past few years that has been evident. I have asked him to prove his love many times and as I look back he has never let me down. He knows what I need even if I do not. Even at the first church service after Sterling going to Heaven, he met me where I was. I do not know many people who would of ventured so low to not try to bring me out of my grief and sorrow but, to just be with me. I can always hear him say, I'm always faithful and I've never left your side.
No Shalom for those who do not get off their treadmill. I am going to work on that and the busyness of life.
His LOVE is enough! I will be mindful to get off the treadmill!
To hear the actual sermon please go to: http://www.woodmenvalley.org/interact
Hear our Pastor actually giving the sermon. It is amazing and you may interpret it different than I did in my notes.
Our Pastor was talking about "how do I still my heart?" Well, how do I? I'm still processing that.
Not our literal heart but, our heart of where we live our life, hope, dream, work and etc. Of course I have ideas and ways that I want to but, never find the time to actually do them (which is the problem and what we are urged to think about and spend time changing). CHALLENGE ON!
Our Pastor discussed that this is referencing that we are all on a treadmill that is never stopping. It is our heart racing, our mind racing and always being on the go!
He had four points regarding the Psalms verse 23.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He maketh me to lie down in green [1] pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest [2] my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
The first point was Response, make and lead are the key words. Saying that we are not the principle player and that I do not lead, he does. Those words I know but, always need to be reminded of them. Sometimes, I like to think I am in control but, know I am not! If I were would I have chosen to have a son in Heaven? No! But, instead of always asking why me? Ask, why not me? He has my life plan already laid out for me and when I follow him and trust him I have peace.
The second point key words were lie down and still. That is what we need to do to really calm our heart. That is when we take time to stop and get off the treadmill even if it is just for a minute.
The third point was Replenished, waters and green pastures (soul food). Sometimes, I pursue my own junk and I feel like it will still my heart but, it does not. This is everything that I do extra to feel complete and whole. GOD is the only one that can do that.
Busyness is to loose heart and to leave my heart.
Busyness can be a threat to the heart like porn. WOW! That was a wake-up call for me, I would of never considered it to be that terrible. But, now my eyes are open and my heart is hearing.
The fourth point was Restoration, repenting from the raggedness of the treadmill. Let GOD speak to you on my heart level.
I can still remember the first time I heard GOD as if he were sitting next to me. It was September 11. I was sitting in my car during lunch and I was working for DOC. I remember feeling like there was something that I could do and I prayed that I could, I knew that there were more people that absolutely felt like me. I heard him tell me exactly what to do. I immediately went back to work and went to the Major and told her my idea. She loved it and that started the ball rolling. I had permission to get the project started and we had them being sold with in days. We had to get permission from headquarters to have them displayed on the uniforms and we received the green light. Then headquarters decided that all the facilities could participate and they did. We raised over $70,000 for the fallen officers and firefighters in New York. Never did we have a stumble or an issue of any kind because I let GOD be in control!
Psalms 90.14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
I am going to work on letting GOD speak to me at my heart level, wherever that is, he can find me. I know that he has over the past few years that has been evident. I have asked him to prove his love many times and as I look back he has never let me down. He knows what I need even if I do not. Even at the first church service after Sterling going to Heaven, he met me where I was. I do not know many people who would of ventured so low to not try to bring me out of my grief and sorrow but, to just be with me. I can always hear him say, I'm always faithful and I've never left your side.
No Shalom for those who do not get off their treadmill. I am going to work on that and the busyness of life.
His LOVE is enough! I will be mindful to get off the treadmill!
To hear the actual sermon please go to: http://www.woodmenvalley.org/interact
Hear our Pastor actually giving the sermon. It is amazing and you may interpret it different than I did in my notes.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
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