I had written this song down a few months ago but, did nothing with it. Then tonight I decided to blog and change my songs. This song just came to mind and I of course looked it up. I am a Casting Crowns fan but, had never heard this song. I clicked on it in playlist and it started to play and I of course started to cry. I love this song and I hope that after the 1st time hearing it and crying that you will hear the powerful words.
I have really been struggling with birthdays and if you have had one I am sorry~ every time I try to buy a card I loose my mind. I am not sure why this is so hard but, my sweet husband has not received a birthday card, an anniversary card or presents from me. I have tried many times for him and many other people but, cannot do it. I am sorry!
This of course, leads into more fears that I have regarding the upcoming holidays that are looming around the corner at me. I pray that GOD gives me the strength to make it through them and be strong but, you never know since cards seem impossible for me to purchase.
We also went to the cemetary this past weekend to find another baby buried by Sterling. In case you have lost count this is 7 in six months. This is such an outrageous event and I am horrified by it! I am so sad that another family has to be enduring our journey with us.
Something that has really been weighing on my mind is our parents. I want to know how you are all holding up? There is really no support out there for grandparents and I know that you feel the loss for two. I also know that the loss is different than mine and so many times you all feel like you have to be strong for us. Is there anything that you all need or anything that we can do to show our support for you all?
On a very good and positive note.....Beth from the Ronald McDonald house is going to ask the board to allocate money to our Healing Garden so that we can get all of the items that we want for the garden i.e. custom bronze life-size statues (we have a vision of this to be of 4 children playing and it will feature Serenity and Sterling together), our fence, arbor, pavers, concrete benches, remaining grasses and flowers. We still have a lot to do but, the garden is really coming along and we are still making progress day by day. Chris, Beth, Susan, Aaron, Lyn and all of the volunteers are really moving this project along. It will be such a bittersweet day when the dedication comes around.
"I asked GOD how much time do I have to live? And he said.....long enough to make a difference." ~~~"To the world you might be just one person. But to one person, you might be the world."
Monday, October 27, 2008
October 15th
October 15th was an amazing event!
Jared Anderson performed a song called Heaven that he wrote after he lost his first child. This song is a heart song and to most "it speaks to their soul". I would agree with that as well. Aaron and I were very honored to spend a few minutes with Jared and his wife Megan.
Stu, did an amazing job with planning the event, being supportive, and making the event so nice. It is always so nice to spend time with Stu after all he has supported us through! He truly is an amazing guy!
Dr. Weary had just arrived in town and showed up much to my surprise! Aaron and I were happy to see him as I am sure that other families were as well.
Our family and friends continue to amaze us by supporting us in all we do. We appreciate the support, love & prayers.
There is one story that I would like to share from parents who came and sent us an email after the event. They came to the event from Denver.
They have lost seven children. 1 (12) week miscarriage, 5 ectopic's where she lost her tubes, then she had IVF and was pregnant with boy/girl twins. At 21-22 weeks her little girl was born alive for a few hours and her son was stillborn. She is now 25 weeks pregnant with a little girl who is due in January. Please pray for her and her family that she delivers a healthy baby girl!
We will see what GOD has in store for next year. My heart and soul are open to what he has in store.
Jared Anderson performed a song called Heaven that he wrote after he lost his first child. This song is a heart song and to most "it speaks to their soul". I would agree with that as well. Aaron and I were very honored to spend a few minutes with Jared and his wife Megan.
Stu, did an amazing job with planning the event, being supportive, and making the event so nice. It is always so nice to spend time with Stu after all he has supported us through! He truly is an amazing guy!
Dr. Weary had just arrived in town and showed up much to my surprise! Aaron and I were happy to see him as I am sure that other families were as well.
Our family and friends continue to amaze us by supporting us in all we do. We appreciate the support, love & prayers.
There is one story that I would like to share from parents who came and sent us an email after the event. They came to the event from Denver.
They have lost seven children. 1 (12) week miscarriage, 5 ectopic's where she lost her tubes, then she had IVF and was pregnant with boy/girl twins. At 21-22 weeks her little girl was born alive for a few hours and her son was stillborn. She is now 25 weeks pregnant with a little girl who is due in January. Please pray for her and her family that she delivers a healthy baby girl!
We will see what GOD has in store for next year. My heart and soul are open to what he has in store.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Anniversary/Walk to Remember
We had a nice anniversary and went to do the walk in memory of Sterling. It is so hard when someone says "he is so perfect, what happened?" I know that they have the best of intentions but, he was so perfect and I don't know is so hard.
The walk was organized by SHARE, they are the best group of "sisters" that I am honored to know and have support and hold me up at times.
The walk was so nice and was really special to me. I even won a door prize that I love. It is a very special cross that reads "Little I knew that morning, God was going to call your name, in life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, for part of me went with you, the day God called you home. You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide, and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again." I hope to have pics posted when I get them. Even though this poem reads ....lose you, I did not lose Sterling. I know where he is.
We had a nice remembrance walk and it was a beautiful day with Stealth's flying over us, bombers and other planes for the Air Force/Navy game.
Later that day Aaron and I went to church and to see the movie Fireproof (which my dad HIGHLY recommended). It was a very good movie and we are going to the Fireproof conference at our church on Nov. 1st -oh, yeah I forgot to tell Aaron :)
I heard a woman on TV talking about her breast cancer today from GMA she said "everyone has something". But, the best thing I heard all day was "make your mess your message." I do not feel that Sterling was my mess but, I can appreciate the concept.
Serenity continues to crack us up and love us. She is a miracle and we are so blessed to have her here with us. She went roller skating with Awanas tonight and she is so fast and so independent. I never knew those little, long legs would go that fast. She is doing great in school and has so many cute little friends. She truly continues to amaze us every day and I am proud to be her mommy.
Along this journey there have been good days, and some very bad days. You learn to be a clown and put on your make-up and get on with the day-to-day things. People do not want to hear "it all". Please continue to pray for us and all of the families that are struggling. I know of one mom who is struggling very severely with depression, I have recommended her to get support like my Stephen Minister and a close sphere for the "going no where fast moments."
Thanks for continuing to support us and one more prayer request. Please pray for October 15th. This event is so special to my heart. I have tried to be disobedient to God many times and not pursue the event. But, God has opened the door and the door has smacked me in the back of the head many times (opening so hard). God spoke to me about the event much earlier in my journey.
The vision for the event was to bring someone a glimmer of hope who is a non-believer and to heal a heart for a mom, dad and/or family member that was told to "get over it" and not allowed to grieve.
This will be non-denominational and everyone is welcome regardless of their church affiliation. I really want it to be a community event. Jared Anderson from New Life will be performing and Dr. Weary (my OB) has been INCREDIBLY supportive. There have been a lot of incredible people making this event happen and regardless of my feelings at the moment it has continued to grow stronger. Stu Davis, one of the pastors at New life and Lana Rockwell are two of the best people and have really been there through all of this.
Please light a candle at 7pm your time. Blessings to you all!
The walk was organized by SHARE, they are the best group of "sisters" that I am honored to know and have support and hold me up at times.
The walk was so nice and was really special to me. I even won a door prize that I love. It is a very special cross that reads "Little I knew that morning, God was going to call your name, in life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, for part of me went with you, the day God called you home. You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide, and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again." I hope to have pics posted when I get them. Even though this poem reads ....lose you, I did not lose Sterling. I know where he is.
We had a nice remembrance walk and it was a beautiful day with Stealth's flying over us, bombers and other planes for the Air Force/Navy game.
Later that day Aaron and I went to church and to see the movie Fireproof (which my dad HIGHLY recommended). It was a very good movie and we are going to the Fireproof conference at our church on Nov. 1st -oh, yeah I forgot to tell Aaron :)
I heard a woman on TV talking about her breast cancer today from GMA she said "everyone has something". But, the best thing I heard all day was "make your mess your message." I do not feel that Sterling was my mess but, I can appreciate the concept.
Serenity continues to crack us up and love us. She is a miracle and we are so blessed to have her here with us. She went roller skating with Awanas tonight and she is so fast and so independent. I never knew those little, long legs would go that fast. She is doing great in school and has so many cute little friends. She truly continues to amaze us every day and I am proud to be her mommy.
Along this journey there have been good days, and some very bad days. You learn to be a clown and put on your make-up and get on with the day-to-day things. People do not want to hear "it all". Please continue to pray for us and all of the families that are struggling. I know of one mom who is struggling very severely with depression, I have recommended her to get support like my Stephen Minister and a close sphere for the "going no where fast moments."
Thanks for continuing to support us and one more prayer request. Please pray for October 15th. This event is so special to my heart. I have tried to be disobedient to God many times and not pursue the event. But, God has opened the door and the door has smacked me in the back of the head many times (opening so hard). God spoke to me about the event much earlier in my journey.
The vision for the event was to bring someone a glimmer of hope who is a non-believer and to heal a heart for a mom, dad and/or family member that was told to "get over it" and not allowed to grieve.
This will be non-denominational and everyone is welcome regardless of their church affiliation. I really want it to be a community event. Jared Anderson from New Life will be performing and Dr. Weary (my OB) has been INCREDIBLY supportive. There have been a lot of incredible people making this event happen and regardless of my feelings at the moment it has continued to grow stronger. Stu Davis, one of the pastors at New life and Lana Rockwell are two of the best people and have really been there through all of this.
Please light a candle at 7pm your time. Blessings to you all!
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